some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
