i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's blow job season.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
