Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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