Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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