Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
