Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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