Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
