every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
