NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
