i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
