I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
