how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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