Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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