She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
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OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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