we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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