the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
