she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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