I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
