apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
