Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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