We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
lets start a swedish sibling band together
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
