this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
