I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
