the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
