Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
