New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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