Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
