Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
