What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
