You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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