halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
