You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
