i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Still dying that you shit outside
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
