I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
