i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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