The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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