Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
