My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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