Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
