Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
