she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
