i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
