is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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