2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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