I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize