I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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