this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
