i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
