Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
