So drunk its hurt
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
