Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
