You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
