i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
