I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
