Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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