Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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