I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well I just put wine in my tea
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
