In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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