this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
