We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
