remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize