I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I did not marry a roomba.
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