i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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