she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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