Fine. I'll sleep in my office
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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