they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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