'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
