my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
