sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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