you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
