why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
